She was my first real crush and I never thought much if it. I loved her friendship and I adored her as a person, both inside and out. I thought about her all the time, I embraced the smiles she bestowed on me and I just felt all warm and fuzzy.
Losing someone, no matter how it happens, hurts. We experience grief in a breakup from our lover, a fallout with our friends or even becoming distant from our family. Grief isn’t just about death.
Anxiety is a powerful thing. I know what’s realistic, I know what’s irrational and I know these are just thoughts; but anxiety doesn’t care about facts and ultimately, he’s got more power over me than cold hard facts.
Writing here and now, I know that the world didn’t exclude me – and that my feelings of not belonging were unfounded. I now know that this was just a bunch of lies, festering in my mind because of a problem I had, and which I could not recognize as lies. A bunch of lies created by anorexia.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas and I might as well be Santa. But I feel like I spend my whole year preparing for my upcoming Christmas calorie intake.
When you grow up depressed and anxious your whole life, you don’t expect to make it this far. I never expected to become an adult. A birthday can become a chore when it’s just a reminder that you have existed for another year, when you really, really, don’t want too.
I don’t like the term ‘holiday blues’ as that makes it sound less valid, because mental illness is more than feeling ‘blue’ and it doesn’t just turn up for the holiday, sadly for many of us, it takes years or a lifetime to manage that black dog. But I do believe that the festive season can make you feel worse, mentally speaking.
What people are saying when a person “commits” suicide, is reinforcing that they are criminals or perhaps something else judgemental.
But there is no crime in suicide and the only judgment should be as to why the person was left to feel that their life needed to end.
Why is the crime caused by the victim and not the events that led to their demise? Is this another way for society to victim blame?
We know that we will face setbacks with our mental health. Bad days, bad weeks, meltdowns, major episodes…they’re almost inevitable.
We know that our mental illnesses will change over time, as we ourselves and our circumstances change.
I remember my first trip to the doctor, at least, this was the first time I had spoken to a doctor about my mental health. I was 14, anxiety had taken over my life at this point but I did not know what anxiety was. Or what mental health was