It sounds silly to feel like this. When I feel like I want to die, or leave the country, just because my friends ignore my messages. Or because they are never the ones to message first or make plans. And they never, check if I am ok.
“No matter who you are, or what your story is, pain, feelings, thoughts – they are all a part of being human.”
Writing here and now, I know that the world didn’t exclude me – and that my feelings of not belonging were unfounded. I now know that this was just a bunch of lies, festering in my mind because of a problem I had, and which I could not recognize as lies. A bunch of lies created by anorexia.
The honest truth is that at any point, we can make a change. We can start fresh and follow a new path. It’s all down to you. If we fall flat on our feel, we also have the option to stand up and try again, or turn back – neither have to be the wrong option.
Christmas is my favorite season of the year. I literally live for it. I’ve always been enveloped by the Christmas spirit, months before and on the day; I’m genuinely happy. It’s a beautiful reminder of the things we do have, the family and loved ones we are blessed with. When
Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas and I might as well be Santa. But I feel like I spend my whole year preparing for my upcoming Christmas calorie intake.
When you grow up depressed and anxious your whole life, you don’t expect to make it this far. I never expected to become an adult. A birthday can become a chore when it’s just a reminder that you have existed for another year, when you really, really, don’t want too.
I don’t like the term ‘holiday blues’ as that makes it sound less valid, because mental illness is more than feeling ‘blue’ and it doesn’t just turn up for the holiday, sadly for many of us, it takes years or a lifetime to manage that black dog. But I do believe that the festive season can make you feel worse, mentally speaking.
Shopping for someone who you know is suffering from mental illness, can be really hard.
You only want to show the person you love, that you support them, you want to put a smile on their face. But of course, like any gift, there is the risk you may upset them or the present will just end up in the back of the cupboard for the next year.