Something that I have learned over my years of dating, it that sometimes, you just need to have that sex chat.
News flash: It’s okay to talk about sex.
From that first conversation to ask for consent, and the discussion about if you are both ready for that huge step in your relationship.
Sex does after all, have it’s own part to play in our mental health, for good and bad.
Or later on, when you are talking about what works for you and what doesn’t, discussing those kinks and secret pleasures that we all leave out of dinner table talk.
The thing is, it’s important we talk about sex with our partner and that we keep an open line of communication.
Sex should be a pleasurable experience, the fact we can talk about it and figure out what we need really does give us the upper hand as humans, you know, to get ourselves that consensual but amazing orgasm. (are you cringing yet, I am).
However, one thing I have always struggled with in relationships is that chat on mental health.
I could talk comfortably to anyone I know about vaginas but mental health? It feels so much more awkward in person.
You know, that one chat where you talk about how your childhood was a mess, your teens fucked you up and you are merely a blob of existing matter floating about the earth.
How do we begin to talk about those deepest parts of us that are repressed, that we keep hidden?
It is terrifying to allow yourself to be so vulnerable.
It feels like you are literally volunteering yourself up for rejection.
But what I have learned is that we just simply will never know how people respond, and that is ok.
I had one boyfriend who woke up to me having a panic attack, told me it would be ok, and broke up with me the next day.
I even had another who called me a psycho for asking why in the matter of an hour, he wanted to cut contact with me.
However, I also had many other boyfriends who just supported me and listened – it even helped them open up to me.
When someone respects my mental health, and they feel comfortable talking about their own? That’s the biggest turn on.
My relationships were better when we were honest with how we were feeling.
In my current relationship, I try to live in complete honesty with him. I mean, literally, 0 lies and all those little niggly thoughts that make my skin crawl thinking about.
It means not hiding even those scary and embarrassing parts of my illness that I really want to keep to myself.
The blunt truth is, the way that your partner responds to talking about mental health is a telltale sign of how good they are for you, or not.
If someone doesn’t accept you for who you are, it’s better to find out before those love roots start settling.
And if someone is going to lift you up higher than themselves, then you’ve just removed months of unnecessary worry from your schedule.
Being open about mental health is hard, but its rewarding.
My relationship is better for it. In fact, I am better for it.
As much as it is important to talk to our partner about what we consent to, in the bedroom (or out), it’s important we get some mental health chat in there too.
We need to be able to talk to our partners when we are feeling down, if we are stressed or if something’s bothering us.
A relationship is a bond, its a partnership, mental health is not something that should be a barrier; because we all have it.
It’s even more important we discuss triggers and things that may make our mental health worse – so we can be better to ourselves and even our partner.
The best relationships thrive on honesty and communication.