I didn’t deserve to be bullied, but I was.
In fact, no one deserves to be bullied, not even the person that is bullying you.
For the whole entirety of my school life and even on the outside, it seemed I had a target on my head saying ‘please bully me‘.
I really hope I am right in saying that I am a good person, or at least one that strives to be kind.
I’ve only ever wanted to make others happy, though, maybe that is exactly what others saw and they took advantage of it.
I never retaliated, I don’t see the point.
This is just my reality, I spent my whole school life and elements of my working life being bullied by people who thought it was ok to tear me down.
I did not deserve it, no one deserves it.
Does kindness create a weakness of sorts?
Last year I came in to contact with an old high school bully of mine.
This person was not the worst person I had encountered, but they were part of a group which made my life hell for 3 years.
Because of them, I did develop serious self-confidence and trust issues, that I still work on today.
This person explained to me that I had helped them through my writing.
That they had been through some things that they regret that they responded badly too.
We had a good conversation and though we are not friends, they know that I am here to talk to if they need it.
It makes me think, this one person probably could be related to by a lot of bullies out there.
My dad always told me anger is a secondary emotion, so they have to feel really hurt beforehand.
It’s upsetting to think that people are forced to feel so alone, that hurting others seems to be the only way they can let out those feelings. The world shouldn’t push anyone to be like that.
Any therapist will tell you the term for this is projecting, something we all do.
But really, when a person is maybe reacting too heavily to your life situation…
It’s because it strikes a personal nerve for them, they relate but anger is the only way they can show it; like a safety net.
I do wonder though, what about all of those other bullies?
I certainly have had more than I could even count (I suck at maths but the emphasis is still valid).
I wish that I could find out what it is like to be that bully, to be on the other side of it all?
To be the person who looked at me and thought “Hey, lets cause them misery today”.
Do these bullies ever think about those they hurt?
Do they regret it?
Have they ever told someone about it?
I only think this because bullies are human too, we need to always remember this.
Just like me and you, they have thoughts and feelings.
No human is the same but no human is entirely different either.
I just can’t shake that if we all communicated better, bullying wouldn’t be as much as an issue.
I always see so many people facing anti-bullying with relatiation and calling them out but maybe they do just need a friend.
As the saying goes, you can’t put out fire with fire.. it’ll just cause one big ass fire.
I would never excuse the deliberate harm of another, emotionally or physically.
I’m actually really anti-violence and very much on par with the fact that we can and should just stop with all this hate – it’s pointless.
But maybe, maybe instead of attacking bullies, we should talk to them and ask them “How are you? Really”.
Just a thought.
If all else fails though, mute, block, delete, them from your life. You don’t need to spend energy on people who do not deserve it.