When I was a teenager, I used to get so jealous of all the other boys and girls in class with their piles of chocolates and love letters.
I’d even see my brother’s get valentine’s day cards, from multiple people, but I never did receive one. Should it matter? No. But it kinda sucked.
I wanted nothing more than to get a card from a secret admirer.
It was like this contest between couples to see who was ‘more in love’. A pissing contest. It’s kind of ironic because at that age, I am not sure any of us knew what love really was.
And I had no idea of the stress and struggle that can come from being in love, or the idea of it.
I had my first relationship at the age of 14 and from then, I seemed to be stuck in a succession of dead-end relationships for about 5 years straight. Talk about exhausting.
It seemed that regardless of the person I was with or the situation we were in, I ended up celebrating valentines day a lot. I think I even felt like it was a bigger deal than my birthday.
I remember nagging one of my ex-boyfriends in the weeks before Valentine’s day, to make sure he didn’t forget; as if our relationship depended on it.
Valentines Day became a test that could make or break our relationship.
The idea of not giving or receiving a host of tacky love themed presents of February 14th seemed like the ultimate form of shame, at least, to a teenager who was desperate to be the most loved girlfriend in the world.
I am married now and well, it turns out that I couldn’t give two poops about Valentines Day (Which is lucky because my husband can never remember the date of it).
The only real test that our relationship had, was our wedding day, but not for the reasons you think (read here).
The thing is, I think for young people, it stems back to the obsession with being accepted and even boasting about what you have.
But I have everything I want in my marriage and I no longer care for opinions on my relationship, aside from my husbands.
The ritual of one made up day should not dictate the strength of your relationship.
If I am being honest, I don’t even make much fuss about my relationship at all, I don’t post many photos all over the internet, unless I’m doing a holiday reel, I don’t post those gross ‘I love you so much’ status’s on social media, like I did when I was younger.
I just don’t feel like I need to prove anything. I think keeping my relationship and marriage to myself is actually one of the big reasons that it has worked out.
I put all that effort of declaring my love into being around my husband, keeping special moments for ourselves and telling him I love him, in person, every day.
So, when valentines day rolls around, it just feels so pointless.
While I don’t mind getting gifts from my husband, especially chocolate, I don’t understand why it has to be on a certain day.
Even more so, it doesn’t celebrate anything important, meaning I would just end up with cheap cuddly bears holding hearts that I secretly resent and have no meaning to them, things that just end up in the bin.
Valentine’s gifts are not sentimental.
Our wedding anniversary is on the 20th, so it almost seems pointless to celebrate two occasions in the same week.
But at least on our anniversary, we are celebrating something real, something personal and something that only the two of us have; and that cannot be part of a pissing competition.
Valentine’s day is just a day created to take your money, I mean, if my husband bought me home a box of chocolates on a random Wednesday afternoon, that would be so much more romantic than being part of the consumerist ideal. The one thing valentines isn’t, is spontaneous and spontaneity is what romance should be about.
You will find me and my husband spending February 14th in bed, with a cuppa and watching boring TV, just like every other night, maybe we will do something more romantic but it would not be due to a random event printed on my cheap Poundland calendar.
My opinion is to not feel pressured into proving your relationship on one day of the year, if you are both in love, you will be showing that daily, without the need of gifts and gestures.
Save the expenses for the anniversary and date nights, save them for the memories that you’ll remember.
Do not stress about being worthy or failing your lover, and do not pressure your lover to prove themselves, true love does not need any sentiment, it just is.