The Death Anniversary

Almost all of us will, in our lifetime, go through a form of grief.

Grief is something that affects us all differently, changing with each experience and person that we have to say goodbye to.

How the stages of grief will affect us, varies with each person, meaning the definition of grief can vary in each of us.

This topic of grief is something that almost everyone can relate too, even more so because as time passes, and grief fades, we still move forward and live.

Though sometimes, grief just catches up with us and an overwhelming feeling of sorrow appears. It can trigger our anxieties and play with whatever mental health we have.

It’s important we talk about those moments where we break down washing the dishes, or because our friend says something that takes us back to before or during our loss.

In 2014, I lost my father, I was 18 years old and I decided that I did not have time to grieve.

Like my father, I put everyone else before me, leaving my own mental health on the backburner.

I walked miles every other day to get groceries. I cleaned the house, cooked dinner, and looked after my family in any way I could.

I even took on the brunt of work for the funeral and our impending house move.

It took me three years before I finally came out of that hard layer of grief, or at least allowed myself to grieve.

After two more years of working hard on allowing myself to feel that loss, I am back to living; no longer in the turmoil that grief can land us in.

However, every January, as the 30th marks the last day I would see or talk to my father, my best friend; I find myself in a strange place.

I feel fine in all honesty, it’s been years and I can still do the things that I need too.

However, at random times, my subconscious will hit, I can almost feel my fathers presence and I just want to cry, even if I’m walking the dog, or cooking lunch.

Grief makes an appearance at random times.

What happens in life after death? From a survivors perspective at least..

Life is not linear, we never know if tomorrow will come, and some days, we may not remember if yesterday even occurred at all.

It can be stressful and confusing to navigate the termoils of life and death, but we all have to experience it.

Losing someone, no matter how it happens, hurts. We experience grief in a breakup from our lover, a fallout with our friends or even becoming distant from our family. Grief isn’t just about death.

Grief is experiencing loss but it’s also dealing with change. A life without that person in it.

People may find themselves all over the place in the weeks or years after a death.

I found that the first year was the hardest and the second or third weren’t easy either.. but time did find a way to make me cope.

I never moved on, I still grieve, but I am not in grief.

What still gets me know is the anniversaries. The birthdays, death days and Christmases.

Those moments that you can feel the empty chairs and the presents what you wish was there.

Our subconscious has a way of crawling memories into the front of our minds without realizing.

You could be buying some bread at the shop and you’ll break down crying, or having the time of your life at a party but then you’ll just shut down.

It’s almost like there is no reason for it. You can’t understand why you feel so depressed.

But then you look at the date.

Maybe we use these dates as a way to hold onto the people we love. They were part of our routine for so long, so it makes sense that we can’t just rid them of the expectations.

All I know is, be easy on yourself. Don’t be scared to grieve, don’t ignore it. Let it in and listen to what you need. There is no shame in feeling lost because you can still be found.

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