“I’m Fine, I Promise”

How many times have you said that?

How many times have you lied to a family member, colleague, peer or friend?

I have a strong bet that everyone has done it at least once or twice.

I suppose I do it often, it’s automatic for me because it’s been programmed into my mind as the easiest response.

When I first had troubles with my mental health, I was honest with feelings and would tell people the truth when they asked if I was ok.

The problem was that I was never ever Ok so after a while people branded me an attention seeker and drama queen.

It confused me because I was only being truthful and when you have a mental illness, it won’t just go away, chances are it will always be there, even in good days, so I never really will be ok.

So after many years of negative responses and shitty friendships, I learned to repress feelings for the sake of it being less hassle.

I hate drama or someone worrying or anything like that, it makes me feel sick with anxiety. It’s far easier to pretend I’m fine and move on from the subject.

I do now and again show my real feelings, typically when it’s all go too much and I have cracked and am on the verge of a relapse, this isn’t healthy.

Though I notice myself, on a daily basis thinking thoughts that show me that I am not fine, I know I am far from it.

However, I just can’t bring myself to talk to anyone, not even my adoring husband.

I know I am not alone in this and the world would be so different if the stigma didn’t exist.

So the next time someone pours their heart out, embrace it and support them. If you moan and tell them to “move on“, then you are part of the problem and need to re-evaluate your response.

Talking is good, feelings are good, there should be no negative response to them.

Let’s all give each other a wall of warmth, not a wall to be used as a barrier.

By preventing a person from talking about their worry’s, they are locking it in their head which will make them ill, it can risk a relapse or suicidal tendencies.

Always be kind.

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